Saturday, March 24, 2012
Saturday, March 17, 2012
Monday, March 12, 2012
That is me right now. Plain old frustrated. I feel like I am going downhill really fast and ready to snap...for a variety of reasons.
We have been doing a trial period with a 4 month husky. She is gorgeous and loveable and the dogs play well together. But I have cleaned up more dog shit in the past week then I care to explain. This morning was twice in our bedroom with us in there. And no it's not diarrhea. She is also turning out to be a little con artist, trying to escapes every time she is outside. But that is the nature of a husky. I wish we had a big fenced in yard, heck a small fenced in yard would do. I think it would make it a lot easier then leads that get tangled every time they are on them. I just don't know.
I am tired of never seeing my husband. I thought I was suppose to see him more with me going to evenings. It makes me wonder if I made the wrong choice to switch. I have wanted to be back on evenings ever since I left Missouri. I managed 8 months on days. And the entire time I was holding my breath for an evening position. Now that I am on it again, I love it. I am much more sociable, love my coworkers and the shift differential will help. But there is consequences to every decision...I think mine is not spending quality time with Steve. With me getting home at 2330 and with the crazy hours he has been pulling it seems that I never see him but a couple hours in passing. It royally sucks. It sure doesn't help that in 2 weeks I am going to DOC training and will practically be gone for 3 weeks.
Yesterday I had a huge desire to rejoining the gym. Well more pay for my memberships that I haven't been able to pay. I caught a look of myself in the mirror yesterday and was disgusted with what I saw. At church all I wanted to do was start juicing and exercise. I use to be so good with exercising and eating right by calorie counting and cutting out crappy foods. I was addicted to mfp. I lost 50 lbs. It all went down hill when I decided to run away and move to Virginia. I lost my routine. Routine is huge for my success. I regret moving for that reason. I am sick and tired of feeling fat. Scratch that just straight up being fat. I don't feel attractive, I know I am not. I know it affects my marriage. I know I need to loose weight, that it would help me hopefully prepare to have kids one day. I am tired of my back hurting, I know exercise will help. I got a message from my biggest supporter on mfp today. The one person that daily encouraged me. Today I got a message saying she was removing me from her friends list since I haven't been active for awhile. It felt like everyone has given up on me in my support group. I was going to go talk to the ymca today. Now I don't feel like it. I just want to hibernate.
Ok that's enough negatives. Life is not bad, don't get me wrong. Maybe I just woke up on the wrong side of the bed... and my Monday is just how starting.