Monday, August 23, 2010


Well vacation is officially over. Today is the last day, and I head to the airport in less then 2 hours. Back to the daily grind of work. I just started my math last class, I debated back and forth about taking it since I didn't get into the RN program, but I am 4th on the waiting list, so I decided to go ahead and take it. It is online, and it wont be a strenuous as the summer class since it's 16 weeks and not 8 weeks. Going home will be interesting, Kaytee and Carigan is officially moved out, Laurie will bring me my car to the airport and then she is staying in Kansas City until she moves, so basically I am returning to just Steve and me. I am so ready to get the house back in order and liveable for the 2 of us. I have spent a lot of time looking on craigslist for another couch, but nothing has grabbed my attention yet. I have had some fabulous family time, met and fell in love with my neice Lilly,met God at the beach, got healed from some pain caused by this whole situation, decided to let it go, to forgive and forget and move on. No sense harboring unforgiveness, anger and bitterness towards a friend. Vacation is now over, and it is off to the real world...

Saturday, August 14, 2010

the beach day one

Today is day 4 of vacation, and day 1 of the beach. I get to spend a whole week at the beach, today was bitter sweet. I found out yesterday I didn't get into the RN program, life back at home is a big mess and still seems to be spiraling out of control, and to make matters worse my car is having issues on Steve. It seems life if it isn't one thing, then it's something else. Today I was reunited with the beach. The last time I came to one I was engaged, in college, and had the rest of my life to look forward to. Now I come after being broken down, loosing a best friend, and desperately needing a vacation. It was oh so nice being reunited with the east coast shore. It's like a piece of home, that no matter how often I move or my family did growing up, the ocean will always be there, always was my escape from the rough teenage years. And now I am returning this week, spending time with family, actually taking a vacation for once in a blue moon, and desperately seeking answers on what to do now in life. I hope God will meet me here, mend my broken life, and give me answers on what's next.

Monday, August 9, 2010


life is spiraling out of control and i don't like it. thank God i am going on vacation in 3 days. i need time away to reflect on all the changes that have happened that i don't have any control over. i don't like changes. too many people get hurt when changes arise. oh well 3 days then vacation.

Sunday, August 1, 2010


I think I am depressed. Not the kind of being suicidal, just lonely. I am tired of never having a guy look my way. I have been on 2 dates my entire life in America, how depressing is that. Just 2! The one just wanted sex, and this last one, I thought was going to go somewhere then the asshole never even emails me or calls me back. That is why I am depressed. How much does one need to put yourself out there in order to say "hey I want a man". I am not looking at getting hitched tomorrow, just someone there for me, someone to love and share one's life with. Is that all too much to ask for? I fully believe that we are relational creatures. That it is not good for man to be alone, hello it does say that in the Bible after all. I want to spend my life with my best friend, problem is I don't have one. I want someone to talk to, someone that wants to spend time with me, to text me just to say hi, to share one's life with one another. Is that too much to ask for? It bothers me that people at work say I am a bitch, and when they see me outside of work (thanks to Kaytee's social life) they say that people don't understand me. What the hell is there to understand? I don't take shit from inmates, but I will do my best to give them the health care that they deserve. I think I am nice to the officers. Sure I have been stressed out and unhappy, but I am still a bitch. I think I need to go back to church and that might be a major part of my problem. AGHHH okay that is enough ranting and raving for right now. Just had to get it off my chest.