New Job

Well I did it. I stuck in there and got me a full time job. Ok it really wasn't that's hard to do so. It's a perfect location, 2 miles up the road. Can't get lost, since it's on the same main road that's by my parent's house, then right behind 7-11. It is called Gainesville Health and Rehab Center. It's not the typical nursing home, instead it's more skilled nursing, more of a rehabilitation center. They are expanding and getting a cardiac unit, that will work closely with the local hospital having telemetry, ekg's, etc so they don't have to stay in a hospital but have specialized cardiac care. It's good to see that they are expanding and getting bigger with better specializations then going the other direction...

Today I had the general orientation. You know typical paperwork, tour, and lots of policies. There was 3 other people there, 2 CNA's and 1 LPN. Tomorrow me and the other LPN with have a nursing orientation, then I get my schedule. It's nice because they have a permanent schedule. So I will know what my schedule is now and 6 months from now. Great for planning. Very good pay and benefits. So it all works out. It's not correctional care, but it is nursing, and this will help me to use other nursing skills that I haven't since nursing school. So we shall see how it goes.

What a week...

This week has been far from normal. Heck what is normal these days? Well that's a question for some other day, but this past week I had a break down, which is very odd for me. I broke down and wanted to run as fast as I could back to Missouri. Back to my comfort zone, my safety zone of a job, friends, a community. I longed for it so much that I actually called CMS and got my job offered back to me. The only condition was that I had to be back in Moberly by Monday morning. So I went and custom ordered a hitch for my car, reserved a uhaul and broke the news to my family. The majority of my family, though sad, sad I had to do what I had to do. But my brother told me that if I went back, that if would be a dead end, to where I would never leave again, and that I needed to stay here for at least a year and actually give it a try. He got me thinking.

Sure I have only been here for a month, and have applied at a bazaillion jobs, had a handfull of interviews, but the time with my family has been priceless. I love getting to be part of my nieces life, and seeing her grow and get attached to me. I love taking Wilna to church and encouraging her to get involved in the youth group. I love seeing Jessica go bowling with her special ed church group. I love being part of Brandy's wedding planning. So for that reason I am staying. I moved out here to be closer to family. I want to be part of their lives, not just a visit once a year.

During my decision of going back and forth, I was talking to Roxie and realized that if I moved back, then I would be taking my future in my hands and going to my safety zone that guarantees a job, and friends. But God brought me out here for a reason, and I need to trust Him to take care of me. I was still going back and forth until Friday morning. The morning that I needed to go pick up the uhaul. I knew that was the last moment to decide. Then I got a text from Briana inviting me to go into the city with her family that was visiting. I knew at that moment that if I walked through the front door, on my way to Briana's, that I would be giving up my chance of running away, that I would be telling God "okay you are in control, I am putting my future in your hands". And that is what I did, I walked through the door, and officially said goodbye to the life that I once knew in the heartland of America.

I am bound and determined now to make a routine, to build a life here in the capital of America. I am applying for nursing jobs. I went to the gym the past 2 days. I went to the welcome thing for visitors at the church, and tonight plan on going to Frontline, the young adult service at the church. I want to get connected with people. I want to get a routine and enjoy life near and with my family. That is what I am doing. And during the church service today I knew that I made the right choice. I was given a peace that passes all understanding from Yahweh himself.

Burn the Ship

This song was sent to me by Caitlin. It really speaks to me and directly entails where I am in my life right now. Go watch this link http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZqP3lINxnho&feature=related But in the meantime here are the lyrics

Burn The Ships

In the spring of 1519

A Spanish fleet set sail.

Cortez told his sailers,

"This mission must not fail."

On the eastern shore of Mexico,

they landed with great dreams,

but the hardships of the new life

made them restless and weak.

Quietly they whisper

"Let's sail back to the life we knew"

but the one who led them there was saying,

"Burn the ships!

In the spring of new beginnings

a searching heart set sail

looking for a new life

and a love that would not fail.

on the shores of grace and mercy

it landed with great joy.

but the enemy was waiting

to steal kill and destroy

Quietly he whispered

"sail back to the life you know"

But the one who led us here was saying

Burn the ships!

We're here to stay.

There's no way we could go back now that

we've come this far by faith

Burn the ships!

We've passed the point of no return.

Our life is here so let the ships burn.

Let 'em burn!"

pulled in 2 directions....

Ugh! I hate this. I hate being pulled in 2 different directions. I just don't know what to do. Yes I miss my life back in Missouri. I miss my friends. I think there gets to a point that your close friends become your family. I lived in Missouri for 6 1/2 years. They became my family. A dysfunctional family at that. Yesterday I was so sure that moving back was my answer. I even have 2 friends looking for houses for rent for me. I could start working next Monday morning. I began thinking of all of my coworkers that have helped my grow in my nursing career, the patients. The routine of the gym and work. Moberly was more then just a college experience for me. Basically the life that I knew for 6 1/2 years.

But then last night we had another family dinner. My parents are saying do what I need to do. My brother brought up the point of only being here for a month and not giving Virginia a fair chance. He wants me to give it a full year. And then if I hate it then I can go back. I was so sure of my decision, I even ordered a hitch to be installed on my car, and reserved the uhaul...

I was talking to Roxie last night and this is what I said in regard to my brother telling me if I left that I would be giving up. I said "Sure I might miss the stability I had there but with time I could get it here. And no I haven't given it a full chance. I think I came out here for a reason and I don't know what it is. And it's not in my control and I don't like being in control. But my going back that guarantees me control but not necessarily His Will? That's where faith comes in that He can have the control. I am scared I wont find a good job that I am happy at. That i will settle and not be happy. like settling for a nursing home. But God knows the desires of my heart and I need to trust Him."

Caitlin wrote this to me last night..."However, make sure that you aren't trying to go back to the familiar and safe. I know that is what I would have been doing had I returned. One song that really made me think was by Steven Curtis Chapman called "Burn the Ships" It is about the explorer Cortez and how after they landed in South America he demanded that the ships be burnt so that his men couldn't return to the safe and familiar. Maybe you need to burn your ships"

So I slept on it hoping that I would wake up to a made decision. But that didn't happen. I don't want to just give up but I want to be in His Will. This would be a lot better if I actually had something going for me here....ugh what should I do? Follow my heart and go back home or stay here and give it chance by burning my ships?!?

Good Ole' Moberly

So I wanted to let you know that I accepted a position at a correctional facility...a correctional facility in Missouri...scratch that in Moberly...My old position to be exact. I have been in Virginia for a month now, and have had no job leads, no friends, nothing. Sure there is family, but family will always be there for you. If you asked me point blank if I was happy here, then I would say no. I am not. I miss my job. I miss my coworkers. I miss the prison. I miss the YMCA and working out with Andrea and water aerobics. I miss it all. Today I was offered my old position back. I said yes. I feel like I am going home. People don't think I have things figured out, but I do. I have a job waiting for me, people that I can crash with, and people searching for housing. I have a community, a village so to speak. I asked God for a sign for what to do, to be in His Will, and I am at complete peace that this is what I am to do.

Abortion?!?

Yesterday I agreed to work a shift for the staffing agency at a woman's clinic. All I knew was that it was a woman's clinic and I was going to run the recovery room for outpatient procedures. So the day is going along great, nice and slow only 3 patients, in which I never saw but just had to do the paperwork...then bam my actual physical patient came out of surgery...I was reading her chart and she had...an abortion. 8 1/2 weeks along. I saw the sonogram and everything. I so didn't know that this clinic performed abortions, but let me tell you it was an eye opening experience, especially when I was leaving and there was an anti-abortion protest occurring on the property lawn. Yes I agree that a woman has the choice, but I also personally believe in abortion being wrong. That is where the line of professionalism is drawn in the nursing world. I have my beliefs, you have yours, and I am here to offer care for your health needs. I can't judge you, but I can guarantee I wont be working there again!

Daniel's Fast

So I am a born again believer of Jesus Christ and this year decided to give something up for lent for the first time as a time of remembering Christ's life, his gruesome death and glorious resurrection. So for lent I decided to give up cheese and bread...then yesterday I was talking with my sister-in-law and she said the food she gave up is too easy and she has found in just two days that she has turned to other foods to fill it's void. So she said that she wants to do the Daniel Fast as a preparation of sacrificing enjoyable foods to remember the ultimate sacrifice. She said she wanted me to support her in doing so, and after praying I decided that I will join her in it. We are going to start Monday morning. My only problem is that I am allergic to beans, so it will make it a little more challenging to get protein...This is not a diet but a fasting of my enjoyable foods. I will make sure I get at least 1200 but try to get closer to my usual 1500 to 1800. Anyways I wanted to see if anyone had any advice or good recipes to use on this?

Lent

I have never given up anything for lent, mainly because I am not Catholic, well that's always been my excuse at least. Sure I have fasted and given up things to focus more on my relationship with Christ; but never have I done this during lent. I find it intriguing that an entire group of people agree to give something up for 40 days in preparation of remembering the last week of Christ's life on earth, his gruesome death and glorious resurrection. According to Wikipedia it is "a time of sacrifice for Jesus".

With that being said, I have had 2 friend's challenge me tonight during this lent season. One of my oldest and dearest friends, Shelby, challenged me to give up something. After much thinking I decided to give up bread and cheese. Sure I can eat cardboard fat free cheese and sandwich thins, but I need to give these up. I don't need them to make my food "taste" good. These are the two things that though I have altered to being healthier, I have never completely given up. I was debating which one to give up when it doned on me, "why not both, why choose?". My friend, Kayla, on MFP has challenged me to read through the New Testament with her during lent. 40 days to read Matthew to Revelation.

So now I ask you, what are you sacrificing as you prepare to remember the last week of Christ's life on earth, his gruesome death and glorious resurrection?

Run Forest Run!

One of my favorite movies out there is Forest Gump. I just love it. Today was the first day I woke up since moving that I wanted to go run. Run as in jog...haha So I restarted the C25K. I was able to run 90% of the time needed in the intervals, which was a much better start then when I first started running in January. One of my news years resolution is to run a 5k by the end of the year, and I will do that. I am determined to. It felt great to go out and run out some frustration of the job searching.

Yesterday I went to Lynchburg and Brandy and I went church hunting for wedding sites. I think helping her plan her wedding and knowing I am in it in December re-motivated me to keep up the weight loss. By the end of the year I want to be in the onederland, so that means 88 lbs to go. So after seeing her and helping with some wedding plans it got me back on track. Which I oh so needed.

Ugh Routine Needed

Ugh I need motivation and a routine. I have been searching for a job 24/7 or so it seems. I have applied at so many, and had 3 interviews, in which I haven't heard back from anyone. I love being near family, but part of me wonders if I made a mistake of moving without a job. You would think since there is a supposedly nursing shortage that a job wouldn't be hard to find...right...I have to keep reminding myself that is has only been 2 weeks since arriving. City life is alot different then small town Moberly. All of the restaurants, driving, family, shopping...Since I am not working I don't have a routine. So I wake up spend half the day on the computer searching for jobs, then the sisters get home from school, we do homework eat dinner then the day is practically over. I keep telling myself that "I have all day" well all day comes and goes, and no exercise. And then today we bought girl scout cookies....I need to start saying no, be strict on myself, go to the gym. I have 10 months to loose 88 pounds. Dueable I know. 88 pounds to go before onederland and my sister's wedding. I have been very blessed to say that I haven't gained any weight since moving, I have maintained it so it's helpful. Tomorrow is Sunday, that's a great day to start back on track and having the excuse of "it's just one" or "I have all day". Ok that's enough...