So this week has been one busy week at work, stupidity and MSR's gallor. It seems like everyone and their mom turned one in, which kept segregation a hopping. The plus side to this busy week, was Steve was home for 3 days. It was stinking fabulous, and it spoiled me a little bit. Just having him within shouting range, knowing that he is around, eating with him, and going to bed at the same time is a warm cozy feeling. It's like what life is really suppose to be like. So last night he was at work, and I was making dinner to take to him, and decided to bake him some pumpkin cookies Brandy gave me the recipe for. OMG they are little delicious piece of pumpkin heaven. I love baking, and just hoped that my cooking turned out as good as baking did. There is definitely a difference between baking and cooking. I am bound and determined to master cooking, and not just make edible food.
This week we reached 2 milestones in our relationship. Monday marked 6 months of officially being together. Today marks 1 month of marriage. When I write it out, it looks crazy. Like really, I married someone after only dating for 5 months? Am I nuts? HAHA nope, not when we have known each other for 6 years, have been roommates, and him being my best friend for who knows how long. Still it's a pretty big deal to me that we made it 6 months together, with the past month being the best of them all. I love being married to my best friend.
Sure it isn't always easy, especially with our different work schedules, me being emotional, finances, and his crappy health. People usually say their early years of marriage was the most difficult but blessed time of their life. You know when people marry young, and are still trying to settle into a career, where Ramen is for dinner due to not a penny to your name type of thing. I think of us, and I hope that this time is the most difficult financially. To where we both work full time, and bills are paid, but there is nothing really left after that. It stinks, to the point of depressing. It's like after bills are paid on Monday, we may have enough to get extra food for Thanksgiving, and well then Christmas season is upon us. So many dreams, but so little money; but mainly that's due to stupidity in the past due to bad managing of finances and inquiring debt and now paying the consequences.
But for us finances isn't even our biggest problem; nope instead it would be my husband's health. His poor arthritic hip has given him all sorts of problem with the ridiculous Missouri weather. I am afraid that he is also going through another flair up like he did this summer. He isn't always vocal with how much pain he is in, and with how pain is subjective, it's hard to comprehend just how bad he feels when he doesn't always show it. I was thinking the other day at work, how the first week of January is like a time bomb waiting to go off. That is when insurance kicks in, that is when he can finally go to the doctor and hopefully start getting answers to the looming questions in the back of our mind. I have found myself saying that there is nothing we can do till January, except pop pain pills and apply Bengay or Biofreeze...well that's when it dawned on me that I am relying of modern medicine to heal my husband. So now I find myself on my knees asking God to heal my husband's body or at least give him the strength to get through the pain and enjoy his day without being miserable.
The past couple of weeks I have found myself more emotional. A few weeks ago it was like an entire week of emotions. Thankfully it's not as frequently, it's more just at random times. Like on Monday when I was at Walmart with Lauri in the Christmas aisle and started tearing up. Randomly odd. Then there was the frequent nausea, the tenderness and the starting to be late period. If I didn't know myself better, I would say there is an option of being pregnant. The thought of having kids terrify me. Let me clarify, the thought of being held responsible for a little baby that can't communicate his needs, scares me. I would love to have kids with Steve though. But to clear the air, the pregnancy test is negative. However I am a nurse, and I am not niave, so I do know that sometime it takes awhile for the HCG hormone to be high enough to be read on a pregnancy test, and that some women never even show on a pregnancy test and have to have blood work and an ultrasound to confirm a pregnancy. But for me, for now, the test was negative and that is the story I am sticking with.
Well enough of my rambling post. I don't want it to seem like I am depressed. I am not. I have just been doing a lot of thinking recently (since I am a over analyzer and all) and needed a place to jot down my thoughts. And I am sure it's not even all of them lol.
I love my life. I love my husband and his painful body. I love that I have a job I enjoy, and that God has blessed Steve with a new job that he is starting in 2 weeks. I love that we have a warm roof over our head. I love my big cuddly St Bernard. I love that we are able to open our house in a week in a half to a dear friend so she can start over. I love that Baf is getting better and is able to get out of the hospital today. I love that Christmas movies are finally are on tv. And I love that I have this weekend off with my husband.
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