Straggling a Fence

I have recently felt like my life is momentarily on hold. It's like I am straggling a fence, with one foot in my old life as a "Harris" and the other foot teasing my new life as a "Jones". Nothing seemed officially official until I can start writing my new name at work. I sign or use my initials at work at least a dozen plus times a day, so it's like my new life as a married woman is not official until I get to legally use my new name. I know I am odd. This week I finally got my new social security card in the mail, new driver's license and library card. I finally get to fax my name change into the State Board of Nursing and FINALLY today I got the notification that my nursing license was changed and I can finally use my new name at work. I even got a new badge at work today. It took me by surprise today when I saw "Jones, Ashley" on the time clock today. Definitely did a double take!

This week I also enrolled us in health insurance. It was overwhelming trying to think of what we might need in the next year health wise. Sad news is that it wont start until January 1st, good news is that in 2 months hopefully my hubby can find out what the heck his health problems are. I am concerned for him. Well concerned is an understatement. I feel like I should be able to conquer the world for him, to take the pain that he has away, or at least give him a diagnosis and some pain meds that actually give him relief; but alas I can't do any of it.

Today we got a joint banking account together. I love that our life is completely merging as one. The one thing I regret though is the debt. We both got it. It stinks. I want to have kids with him one day, so part of me thinks we need to start preparing for them. We can pay the bills now, but there isn't a ton of wiggle room. If I was to end up pregnant one day, it would be nice to have a little bit of cushion. So I am thinking of maybe doing a PRN job. A temporary thing to pay off as much debt as possible. I don't think Steve would like the idea though; but I am definitely keeping my eyes open to what's out there.

You ever have one of those days where you wake up in a crabby mood and every little thing bothers you? Yep, well that was my day yesterday. It didn't help that the night before we were at the ER, and stress of the ER is trying enough on a person, but then on top of it I received a call with bad news. The bad news made me livid, which caused me to go to bed and waking up on the wrong side of the bed. But all this said, I came home to find Steve having all the candles lit making me toast. I have been nauseous off and on, and toast has become my best friend. And he totally made my heart melt. We spent the evening together making dinner and well just being together. It's amazing how he can do something as simple as make me toast that just makes my day better. I never knew it was possible for one person to have such an impact on one's life.

I hate that we work opposite shifts. I am up and out the door by 6:30 am. When I get off of work, he is already at work; and when he gets off I am already in bed. It stinks. We literally can go days without seeing each other. Moments like last night, where we had the evening together because he was off, definitely reminded me that I want that normality. I want us to be able to work the same shifts, and actually see each other sometime during the day, like a normal family if you will. I have been holding my breath for a evening position to open up, but the 3 LPN's are definitely not budging. I guess I will just take our every other weekends off together and the random days in between and enjoy it while we can without complaining. The one good thing about us working different shifts, is that I come home and spend the evening talking with Baf. I love talking to her. I leave work every day looking forward to our nightly conversations. She keeps me company when I am home alone. I love her and can't wait for her to come visit me.