EmOtIoNaL RoLlAr CoAsTeR

I hate when people use caps and type funky letters, but this week I think I can definitely write: EmOtIoNaL RoLlAr CoAsTeR, because that is what they last past 8 days of my life has been. With all going on right now, my mind is racing with different thoughts and emotions, stuff that I know I need to decipher, but where to start. And then I remember this blog. I am sure no one (except my ever faithful "stalker" of a housemate Caitlin {haha jk}) reads the blog, so why not try and decipher the things racing in my mind here on paper...well a computer screen.

8 days ago Haiti was his by the earthquake. News slowly came in that some friends are okay and some friends had died, missionaries are ok, etc. People in the States kept asking me about the missionaries, but never about the Haitians. It really bugged me because I have lived there for months on end, I have friendships with many people (alot of whom are now in the university in Port), and then there was the one I was engaged to (we will just call him Terry for now). I am usually a very private person and don't get into details on our past because frankly it is none of anyone business. Plain and simple I loved a guy and he loved me, our problem was that there is an ocean separating up. Plain and simple. Anyways when I heard about this earthquake my heart broke for all those who died. Every single person I saw on tv burried, I thought "that could be him" or "I might have kissed that lady's cheek" (especially if you know Haitians, you kiss alot of cheeks as greetings!).

Slowly news came in on some, but I never heard about Terry. Then on Monday I got a voice mail from a Haitian saying something about Terry, a machine, a house and dead. But they were speaking way to fast for me to understand. And let me tell you that messed with my head. I had one friend translate the voice mail basically saying "something about a truck crushing him and he died". I told my sister and parents, and left it at that. I didn't want to admit he was dead, but it was already taking toll on me. So later that night I got some text from his brother and he said "that he was going to go to port to get terry and the other twin". I was just like "why there bodies are probably buried under rubble or used as a road block." He had to tell me several times that he was their brother and he just knew they were alive. OK whatever say what you want but I wont believe you till I hear from him myself. Sunday comes around and late afternoon I get a call from Terry, my jaw fell open and I managed to say something like "you are suppose to be dead" he just laughed at me and said he was alive and wanted me to call him. Anyways after many busy signals and trying every 10 minutes while awake fastfoward 2 days to yesterday and I was finally able to get through to him due to the phone lines being down. My heart just leaps with joy the 3 times I have been able to have like 20 minute conversations with him. We talk, I do alot of encouraging, it is difficult to hear the pain and hear the screaming and mourning in the background, but I am the strong one that is suppose to encourage him to keep going. Yesterday he said to me "I survived the wrath of God, there is a reason, a second chance, now I need to serve Him, I have a purpose." He told me today that he has spent nearly everyday translating for relief teams. Reflecting on our phone and text convos my heart is mixed with joy and what now. Joy that he is alive and serving God despite loosing everything on his back. I want to jump the gun and say "just come here". I can't do that either. It is so frustrating cuz I want him hear safe and sound. But he keeps telling me on the phone "i need you to encourage me and keep me going". Okay I will do that, i cant do much except pray but I will be the encourager.

Onto other things life at work has been very busy with patients. People at work say to me that I haven't been the same the past week. They want to know why. But I don't want to say Haiti, because people are already becoming annoyed with it, I can tell just by the body language. But I am sorry this is personal to me. This is affecting me. I may not be crying and all emotional, I cant because I am a professional at work, but I find it hard to be all happy and smiling when my brothers and sisters are suffering so. It weighs heavily on my mind.

Oh and I took the ACT today. I need at least a score of 20 for my RN school application. Stuff that I haven't seen or heard of since high school. It was definitely a headache of a thing. And it will take 4 weeks before I get the results from the thing to see if I qualify to apply for the program.

And Cady got into the leaf pile, she had thorns and sticky stuff all over her beautiful coat. Maybe if I dont pass the ACT I will just do grooming on the side....haha

Can you see the emotional rollar coaster I have been on? Oh well it will stop soon and I can get off of it and place my feet on steady ground. Until then all I will say is "mezanmi and se la vie!"