Friday, October 14, 2011

One week...

One week...one week...one week...EEK! I can't even begin to tell you how excited I am to marry my best friend in exactly one week. I feel like I am in a bit of a dream land to where it's hard to imagine that I am getting married in 7 days. It's just mind boggling. When I wrote out my New Years Resolutions on January 1st, one of my things was just to go on a date, a simple date. That's all. If someone would have told me on January 1st that 2011 was going to be the year that I got married, I would have laughed in their face. But seeing where I am now, I can honestly not imagine not having Steve in my life. Simply can not. People often ask me if I am happy. And I can honestly say, I have never been this happy in my entire life.

Yesterday I had my first "anxiety" freak out. I think that's pretty good considering we are only a week away. We were shopping for the last few items on our to-do list, and bam it hit me. The stress of everything. All at once. It was overwhelming and very hard to explain how I was feeling. I have tried to keep all of my opinions and feelings at bay, and it kinda got to the point that figuring out how much Tull was needed was too much for me to handle. And I almost snapped. Well I kinda did, but in a controlled way. Internally I was screaming for a paper sack to breath into before I completely broke down and cry all over the store. Externally I was a nervous wreck, constantly moving my fingers, very kind of like just taking an med neb tx. I's hard to explain.

I want to please everybody. I want everyone happy. A lot of people are offering their help with the wedding, and it's getting overwhelming. I can't take everyone's ideas, there is a limit to where I have to step up and say "thanks, but no thanks". It's hard for me to do that. But I am to the point that I don't know what I want vs what other people want. Does that make sense? However we couldn't have planned this wedding without the help of soooo many people.

I hate the thought of being the center of attention. And this is the one day that I will be the center of attention, not Steve, but me. Now that's anxiety in and of itself. Oh well.

My face is starting to break out a lot. It takes me to the good old days growing up. It's due to the stress. And it's ticking me off. And no matter how much I wash my face and use ointment's to prevent break outs, I still break out. Let's just say "thank God for makeup"!

I think I am starting to ramble alot, so I am signing off for now.

1 comment:

Unknown said...

I'm sorry you're freaking out but I'm glad you have a good reason to freak out.

As far as the break outs, Proactive is REALLY amazing. It cleared up my skin in like...3 days. You probably can't get any this fast without paying an arm and a leg for shipping, but you can get store-brand stuff that should work just as well.