A Brick Wall

Today I went to church for the second time since returning from vacation. It makes me sad that I would rather choose my bed then worshiping with fellow believers. I think it is because I am not connected in a church, a church that feels like home. Well today I made a decision to get out of bed and go to church. I went, and I felt like I hit a brick wall. There is so many areas of my life that needs fixed...
My relationship with God, which I am working on. It is a day to day process, but isn't that with any relationship? But today changed, because I stepped foot in church, I had a heart to heart with God, and we are getting back on track. It feels like such a relief. It's like everything in life goes wrong when there is a problem with me and God, like there is a brick wall that I built between us. Well the fact is that I tore down the wall, and am now rebuilding my relationship with my Abba.
My finances. Ugh I work 40 hours a week, and I still don't have enough money. Money to pay the bills. Rent, credit card, water, electric, 2 student loans, current school payment, tv, internet. It all adds up. I put my application in for another job, but they haven't called back. But the reality is I have enough to pay the bills, just not much after that. I want to pay off my debt, but it takes all I have just to pay the current bills due. But at least I have a full time job and can pay my current bills.
My weight. I am ashamed of it. I am pissed at every one for letting me get to my weight, for the bad food choices, and letting me skip the gym. I have a problem, and that is I am morbidly obese. I need to loose weight, I need to eat healthier. I like to people watch and I see overweight people and think "well at least I am not as big as them". It's like I am not looking in the mirror. Hello I am, I am just choosing to think otherwise. To think that I am not that bad. I think, maybe I could apply for the biggest loser, but they aren't casting right now. Well I need to do something about it, not wait. Well since it is 3 months to Christmas, I am going to start doing about it.