A weeks worth of time

I am sitting in a hospital thinking just how much has changed in a simple week. Within a week I got engaged to my best friend, moved half way across country, refell in love with living in a small town community, remembered how grand it is to have good friends, found a house, oh and been to the ER twice. Yep its been a grand week.

Steve picked up the keys to our new house today. It's such a charming little house. I love it and can't wait to get in and start making it our home.

I frequently have been reminded just how great my God is and how much he has blessed me. It's quite overwhelming at times.  But I know I am loved and am in God's Will. It's a fabulous feeling.

First family roadtrip

Well its official...I can marry Steve...why I say this, you ask?  Well quite simply because we took our first family roadtrip with my gigantic puppy and didn't kill eachother. It took us exactly 20 hours  to make the treck from Washington DC to Moberly,MO. It was pretty uneventful minus the traffic, rain and yummy Chinese food with Roxie and getting to meet her fiance.  Steve and I talked for hours, I just love our long and epic convos.  I feel like I could talk to him for hours about anything under the sun.  I think we are really developing our communication skills.

We got into town at 4am.  Thank God for Andrea and letting us crash on their couch and watch Miss Cady Mae.  We had a pretty epic first day back.  Went to my favorite Mexican restaurant for lunch with Andrea, grocery shopping with Mindy Moo, house hunting with Lauren, and a nice homemade meal by Lauren and Kevin, followed with a relaxing evening together. I even found out Moberly has a new dog park. Overall it was a pretty awesome first day back.

I have constantly been reminded today just how much God has blessed me. I moved back with my fiance to our home, and repeatedly been reminded just how much friends and that community feeling is important to have. I love running into people I know. I love that my friends have become my family. Sure I may be stressed with settling down but I am genuinely happy amf content.

The Story of My Engagement

So you know life is a little busy right now, with finishing work, packing and preparing to move across country (3 days to go!). I have been mentioning to Steve that I really want to go to the beach one more time, and it just seemed like it wasn't going to work out since Brandy and Alex came to town, and umm the procrastination with my packing. Friday night before Alex and Brandy arrived, Steve went and asked my father's blessing for my hand in marriage. They had over an hour long conversation, and my stomach was in knots the entire time. Because the convo took so long, we didn't have time to discuss their convo before heading to dinner with Brandy and Alex. Let's just say as Steve is getting to know them over dinner, I am sitting there a complete mess just convincing myself that the convo went bad.

Anyways Saturday morning rolls around, and we ended up making this big family brunch, which caused our departure for the beach to be late. A normal 3 hour drive took 5 hours due to traffic. We finally got there around dinner time, had dinner at Grotto's Pizza. During dinner I notice that Steve is acting quieter then normal. I had been telling Steve all week that I wish he would propose before we moved back to Moberly, but I finally convinced myself that he wasn't going to do it. So anyways after dinner, we head to the beach. I just love the feeling of water rushing over my feet from the waves. We stood there forever, talking and hugging. I thought that everything was perfect in the world. Peaceful. The tide kept getting bigger and bigger, causing us to get wetter and wetter, to the point that Steve was like "let's move back some" and I am just like "but I like the warm water"... It was getting dark outside, and Steve suddenly turned to me and said "I made you a present", I was quite confused, but hey I will take a present!

He pulled out a slightly damp book that he had made for me titled "Do you remember?". It was a book about took us down memory lane of our almost 6 year friendship and then dating relationship. Half the memories I had forgotten, but it was so sweet to be reminded of it and going down memory lane. As I am reading the book, Steve is having to use his phone as a light so that I can actually read it. At the end of the book the words read if I would marry him. When I got to this point in the book, he started to pull a ring out of is pocket. Instead of crying or saying yes like a normal person, all I said repeatedly "you want to marry me? wow I can't believe you want to marry me? wow I can't believe you bought me a ring". Literally I was speechless, stunned and repeatedly repeated things that I am sure was giving a mixed meaning to Steve. Finally I remembered to say yes, he placed the very delicate ring on my finger (yes it fits, and yes I ABSOLUTELY love it). After some hugging I immediately said "wait wait wait you can't propose to me and not kiss me!" If anyone knows our history, you will know that he hasn't kissed me yet, respecting me and waiting for that first kiss to be absolutely special. So anyways he asked me permission to kiss me, and then of course he did it.

We stood there forever under the moonlight on the beach just being completely in love and in awe that my best friend had bought me a ring, and wanted to marry me. I am absolutely tickled pink and can't wait to spend the rest of my life with him. At this point we are thinking of a Spring wedding, so that we can move, get settled into our lives in Moberly (no we will not live together incase you were thinking), plan a wedding and most importantly get some premarital counseling and grow together spiritually as we prepare our relationship for a lifetime of commitment between God and us.

Eek I can't believe I am engaged. I was caught off guard at church today by the sparkle of my ring and found myself thanking God for the many blessings He has given me. He has blessed me with a man of God searching for God's Will in our life and I am more then honored to become his wife and stand by his side the rest of my life.

Procrastination

So my middle name ought to be "procrastination", for it suits me just fine and dandy. Plans were firmly decided on Monday that we were moving, and today is now Friday, and how much packing for the move has been done? Umm...none what so ever. Oh well I do have myself a 3 day weekend. But at the same time Brandy and Alex are coming home and I kinda want to go to the beach one more time before having to settle with the "Midwest Beach" aka the ecoli infested Long Branch Lake. Though I seriously doubt we will go with everything that has to be done.

As part of my procrastination, Tuesday I decided it was important to clean up my computer up, Wednesday I posted furniture on craigslist to be sold, and yesterday I decided that though we aren't officially engaged, and it's not rocket science that we are getting married in the fall, so I might as well start looking at wedding plans. We settled on a date that we are quite happy about. Now we just gotta get the plans rolling for the most important day of our life. I feel like a kid in a candy store, or even the anticipation of Christmas, just the eagerly waiting for the question to be popped and the actual day to arrive. I feel like I can't give out any information about the big day until there is an actual engagement. Crossing my fingers it will be one day soon. I am tickled pink to actually be starting the planning stage.

I can't believe we are to the point of being within our last week of East Coast living. I have 3 days off of work, then 3 days of work, then we are off racing across country eager to arrive back in our hometown. I am tickled pink to get on the road, and get out future started. Until then I guess I will force myself to be productive this weekend and actually pack. I just hope it isn't too stressful...

One Week

Exactely one week from right now I will be getting off my last shift at the Prince William County Manassas Regional Adult Detention Center. Exactely one week from now we will be hitting the road, driving across country, and starting our new but really old life again. I am so ready to get in the car and just go, to follow the big wide open blue sky...though the packing that hasn't begun would tell you otherwise. I am so ready to not work overnights again, yet I do enjoy my coworkers, but really no one compares to my Moberly coworkers who became like family to me over the years. I am so ready to have my own place again. I am so ready to have good close friends again. I am so ready to be in a small community where everyone knows everyone and all their business.

I may be ready, but I am starting to majorly stress out. Stressed out with living arrangements, my dog staying with Andrea, us with some dear friends, finding a place to call our own. Stressed out with finances was a huge part. However tonight I got an email from work saying I am getting an extra $855.11 on Friday because of Virginia taking out too my money for the VRS. Not sure why, but heck I will take the money, and in what better timing. PTL! So now the financial stress is dying back a bit. Then the stress of packing, and not just packing for a trip, but going through my stuff yet again and deciding what we need. I almost feel it would be best to set fire to all the stuff so I wouldn't have the stress of going through it. Of course we need clothes, but also what about pot and pan, dishes, tv, laptop, the dog, etc. Stuff we will need when we are there.

Then there is all this drama with my family. I don't understand why they can't be supportive of me and Steve. Sure they don't know Steve as well as I do, I don't really expect that anyone on this face of the earth does, but not a single person in my family has even really tried to get to know him. It kills me, because I am suppose to say how open and welcoming my family is. And really, they haven't been. I just want to tell them all that they better get use to hearing his name, because he will be a major part of the rest of my life whether they like it or not.

All I can say is that we are moving back to Moberly. And we are getting married. And I am to the point that eloping sounds better and better every day. Will I do it? Probably not. It's not about a legal piece of paper to me, but more a committment between Steve, me and God. I honestly can not see myself living without him. Quite simply put, I love him. I think it will be for the best of our future to move, be away from the stress of added pressure and be in a community that supports us. A community that we can raise a family in.

Home Sweet Home

Guess what! I am so excited to finally be able to say what my big "what if" is from the last blog. Steve and I are moving home...together. Home to the Midwest. Home to the land of Rednecks, country music, dirt roads, rodeos, and good friends. Today I was offered my job back at MCC, this time working day shift. All I got to to is pee in a cup for them and the job is mine. Can I say I hate peeing in cups? I know random thought. Anyways due to schedule conflicts the plan is for my last night of work to be next Wednesday night and then to hit the road after work early Thursday, August 25th. Can you say "yay" for a road trip, with the big cuddly St Bernard taking up half the car and wide open blue sky! It is sure to be the first of many family road trips.

There is quite a bit to do to prepare to move. I am already starting to stress about it. I wish I was like Steve where all I have to say is "yep, got the superman boxers, so good to go". No instead I am thinking of what we will need when we are there. The sad thing is that there is no hitch on my car, so no uhaul... So basically we are taking whatever fits in the car with the two of us and Miss Cady Mae. But at least I got Steve by my side to remind me that we really don't need it all, it's just material goods. Tomorrow I am going to start going through stuff and decide what to take, what to store for later, and so forth.

I know this road we are going to embark on wont be easy. It will be more difficult for Steve to face his past, but I know he is committed to me and have the faith that he will come out stronger on the other end. Finances will be a little tight at the beginning, but once we settle in it should be fine. It will be nice to have a job I actually love, with great coworkers. Oh and that little thing called friends and a support system. Not to mention it taking 5 minutes to get anywhere in town.

I think of the reasons why I moved out East, and what I left behind. I regretted moving before I even left. Thanks to that major snow storm a week before moving that cause me to have to wade in waste deep snow to get home in the middle of the night, it made me realize just how much love and support I had in the small little town. I don't necessarily regret moving East, because in the past 6 months I have found God again and deepened my relationship with Him and He has blessed me in return with giving me the desires of my heart: a man of God that just happened to be my best friend, who I just happened to fall in love with. Moberly became home along time ago, and it's somewhere that we want to get married, settle down and raise a family in.

What If...

...there seems to be several "what if's" being thrown around in the air right now. With mainly one big one looming overhead that very well may become reality or it may seem like a far off dream. I don't want to go into what the "what if's" might be at this point, but maybe on Monday I will. Excuse me for a moment, but this post is going to be alot of rambling as I try to clear my thoughts and get a sense of what is going on. Anyways back to the "what if's"...today I woke up after just a mere 6 hour sleep and knew we had to have a very indepth convo. So that's what we did. A convo that started off in one direction and several hours later ended in a completely different one. Usually in our indepth heart-to-heart convos I end up with peace knowing that we have grown stronger together just having those difficult talks. But today was different. Today left me with some hope and dreaming of the possibilities. There are pro's and con's to both "what if's", but it seems like in the end our heart is telling us one big thing while our mind might be telling us something else. I don't want to act out of emotions, but logically and rationally make a decision that is best for our future. The more and more that I dwell on it, the more that I want this "what if" of the heart to become a reality. It's soo easy to be attainable, like a light at the end of a tunnel. I can see the bittersweet end to that tunnel and I want to hop into the light and into the future of foreverness. As Steve said, life is too short, so maybe we should pursue our dreams and passions. I wish it was easy to know if it is God's Will or not. I wish it could be as easy as getting a smack across the head, a writting on the wall, a burning bush...but sadly life's not as easy as that. It may not be that easy, but I know that if we chose this "what if" of the heart that we will be okay and we will enjoy the life that we chose. A decision that will change the rest of our life together. I want us to be content and happy, is that too much to ask for? All I know is that I am going to pray without ceasing until we have the peace that passes all understanding.

90 days oh my!

It's a quite night at work. I guess everyone is holding it in until tonight when Tim McGraw performs at the Jiffy Lube. Country singers always tends to bring out the rednecks from the area who like to get a little too intoxicated and want to spend a night with me at the po-po. So I figured that with my little bit of down time I would update you all...

Can you believe that tomorrow it will be 3 months exactly since Steve and I faced reality. The reality that there was something there more then just our friendship, and that I quite frankly didn't want to spend the rest of my life living half a country away from him. So I agreed to court him. 3 months of falling in love with my best friend. Oh what a ride the past 90 days has been. Its had its good times and bad, but let me tell you I wouldn't change it for a moment. The biggest thing that has happened this past month is that he told me he loved me. It's a beautiful thing hearing those 3 little words that carry such an impact.

I rarely thing of my past up, but last night I was talking with a dear friend, and she was asking me if and how I knew that Steve was the one. I began to compare him to my past relationship, and the list of differences were shocking. Maybe because he is an all American made country boy... It made me think though that how different my life would have been if I would have given in and settled. And yes I really do believe that Steve is "the one".

A coworker asked me tonight when I was getting married. I told her hopefully after he gets done with school. FYI that's in 8ish months... Somedays I think that's forever away. Somedays I remind myself that we aren't engaged yet. Somedays, correction most days I can't help but wishing we had our own place again. I miss the days of us having our condo, our own space, with Ms Cady Mae. I miss having a clean place. I miss grocery shopping for us. I miss having my own stuff on the walls with curtains. I miss my old life. A big part me me wishes that I never moved to NOVA. That I was still in Moberly, working at CMS, having a workout buddy, having friends, and fabulous Mexican food, and oh my the country, where it only took 5 minutes to get to any part of town, and the train, and being able to go anywhere in town and see a familiar face. I miss it. But then I remember, that if I would have never moved here, never got my life back on track with God, then I would have never been away from Steve and we would have never dated. So I guess if it meant giving up my old life to regain my relationship with God and fall in love with my best friend, then moving halfway across country has been worth it.

Hello healthy bandwagon

Last Tuesday Steve and I started back on the healthy bandwagon, making it to the gym for 90 minutes, 6 days out of 7 and some very yummy homemade foods including a fabulous chicken salad, interesting turkey meatloaf and some mouth watering cod. I have found over this weekend that its quite enjoyable cooking with Steve. Speaking of food, back in Missouri, Andrea and I had this rule that we could have one cheat meal a week, which usually fell on Thursday nights when we ordered out at work. On Saturday I was craving pizza, and talked Steve into having a cheat meal. Umm the plan so back fired in my face because the pizza was nasty and my stomach so didn't agree with it! It's like a slap across the face reminding me that I don't need crappy food as a cheat meal, instead learn how to make it healthy.

I wasn't entirely motivated at first to jump back on the bandwagon but lucky for me I have a great man that knows the desires of my heart and knows how to gently nudge me into motivation. I love that we share the desire of getting healthy and are working on it together. We must have done something right the last week for he lost 2.8 lbs but I bypassed him with a mouth dropping 4.2 lbs. I think I got on the scale like 4 times double checking it! It was easy to jump back on the bandwagon this week thanks to it being my short week but I am kinda concerned on how it will be this week due to it being my long week...I know sleep effects weight loss, and during my long week I never sleep 8 hours in a row, but in short segments instead. But I am bound and determined to make this work, so we shall see. I do however feel like I for the first time since moving here am actually on track.

On another random note I have found that I love playing the role of a "housewife". Sure we aren't married, but we still live under the same roof. Little things like packing his lunch today, cooking for or even with him, doing the laundry, making the bed. Little things that don't mean much, but when it's associated with him I find I really enjoy it and find I pay more attention to the details of it (like my ocd of color coordinating his closet haha). I can't wait for one day to actually stop playing the role of a "housewife" and actually be one. Oh well patience is a virtue, right?

Hormones oh my

I am lying here in bed catching the end if The Notebook (fabulous movie) and realized it's been a few days since I have updated my blog. This week has been an emotional week for me.  Last Thursday I finally broke down and went to the doctor to get an annual physical and follow up on borderline cholesterol problems. I have been having an extremely irregular cycle for a few years now and keep putting off being seen about it. So finally I broke down and found a local doctor. He decided to put me on birth control for a three month trial to attempt to regulate my cycles and make them more bareable. I have been on it a week now and I can so tell a difference with my emotions and randomly want to curl up in  a ball and cry. As well as a loss of appetite and frequent nausea. Hormones are a flying and its so not me...Yesterday I got a call saying all test and labs came back normal and the cholesterol is down to normal. Thank you Jesus!

Steve and I have started going back to the gym and eating healthy. This week was my short week so it was easy to go to the gym, this next week is my long one and I am dreading having to figure when the time is better to go. I love the soreness I have after a good workout. I am so thankful that Steve is pushing for us to do this together, especially since I have more motivation with him.

We have spent some good old quality time together yesterday and today. We haven't done much, but it has been nice just to be together. I have found myself dreaming and craving for having our own place again.  I want and can't imagine not spending the rest of my life with him. A lot of things would be different if we were not living where we are, but I gotta keep reminding myself that God has us here for a reason.

Oh shout out to Brandy for graduating from LDAC!

Correctional nursing

Work has been plain crazy the past week.  Last night at work we were talking about the difference between our shift of nurses vs the other three shifts. Even custody has stated that they prefer working with us, it got us talking about why that is and what makes a nurse "a nurse".  There tends to be a few key things that stuck out, like straight skills, compassion, empathy, serving attitude, basically all about helping someone who can no longer take care of themselves. But in the line of corrections, what is the difference? I think it has to do with being able to see past the crime and realize that they are still humans with love ones out there. Can you look at a group of criminals and know one person is there for murder, one for rape, one for killing a innocent child, one for larceny, one for failure to pay child support, one for drunk in public, one for possession of narcotics with intention to distribute, one for burglary, one for a terrorist attack....can you know all of these peoples reason for why they are locked up and treat every one the same? While remaining professional, empathetic, but at the same time realize the majority is lying about their medical problems because they are drug seeking. Where manipulation is rampant, drug detoxing is a daily part of life while pregnant, and of course the standard high blood pressure, seizures, mental health, wound care, med passes, pregnancy complications, oh and of course cussing is of the norm...and don't forget safety and security in the back on your mind. It's a lot of triaging and emergency care. That in a nutshell is what a correctional nurse does. That is my job.