This week has been far from normal. Heck what is normal these days? Well that's a question for some other day, but this past week I had a break down, which is very odd for me. I broke down and wanted to run as fast as I could back to Missouri. Back to my comfort zone, my safety zone of a job, friends, a community. I longed for it so much that I actually called CMS and got my job offered back to me. The only condition was that I had to be back in Moberly by Monday morning. So I went and custom ordered a hitch for my car, reserved a uhaul and broke the news to my family. The majority of my family, though sad, sad I had to do what I had to do. But my brother told me that if I went back, that if would be a dead end, to where I would never leave again, and that I needed to stay here for at least a year and actually give it a try. He got me thinking.
Sure I have only been here for a month, and have applied at a bazaillion jobs, had a handfull of interviews, but the time with my family has been priceless. I love getting to be part of my nieces life, and seeing her grow and get attached to me. I love taking Wilna to church and encouraging her to get involved in the youth group. I love seeing Jessica go bowling with her special ed church group. I love being part of Brandy's wedding planning. So for that reason I am staying. I moved out here to be closer to family. I want to be part of their lives, not just a visit once a year.
During my decision of going back and forth, I was talking to Roxie and realized that if I moved back, then I would be taking my future in my hands and going to my safety zone that guarantees a job, and friends. But God brought me out here for a reason, and I need to trust Him to take care of me. I was still going back and forth until Friday morning. The morning that I needed to go pick up the uhaul. I knew that was the last moment to decide. Then I got a text from Briana inviting me to go into the city with her family that was visiting. I knew at that moment that if I walked through the front door, on my way to Briana's, that I would be giving up my chance of running away, that I would be telling God "okay you are in control, I am putting my future in your hands". And that is what I did, I walked through the door, and officially said goodbye to the life that I once knew in the heartland of America.
I am bound and determined now to make a routine, to build a life here in the capital of America. I am applying for nursing jobs. I went to the gym the past 2 days. I went to the welcome thing for visitors at the church, and tonight plan on going to Frontline, the young adult service at the church. I want to get connected with people. I want to get a routine and enjoy life near and with my family. That is what I am doing. And during the church service today I knew that I made the right choice. I was given a peace that passes all understanding from Yahweh himself.
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