Vivid Dreams

Last night I had the most vivid dreams of what life might be like down the road.  Particularly with Steve's health. It was one of those dreams that you wakes you up, but then you fall back asleep and return to the same dream over and over. Yep that was my night last night. And frankly the thought of it becoming a reality terrifies me. I know that if it ever happens that I am strong enough to get through it, but the thought of him suffering trough it is what's terrifying. I don't want to see him suffer like that, especially since it was so vivid.

The thing that sucks is that if be had health insurance then he could get this taken care of. He starts a full time job next Monday, so its only a matter of time before the insurance starts. But I am afraid that he is going to overdo it with working and school making it like an 18 hour day at least 4 days a week. I have joked with him saying he should just marry me now. That way he could have insurance and focus in school. But of course he is too much of a nice and traditional guy and is dead set against making anyone think he is taking advantage of me so he won't even consider it.  To me, it is like I know I am going to spend the rest of my life with him, and I know that according to the gov that marriage is only a piece of paper, but to me a marriage is a union of two people seeking to become one flesh in order to bring glory to God. So why not gwt married?!?

I was thinking late last night that the reason I am frustrated with is his health problems isn't because of him; but, it's because there is nothing that I can do about it. I am a nurse for crying out loud, it's my job to help people feel get physically better, and in this case all I can do is say "here is some otc meds". But last night I realized there is something else I can do. And that is to "Rejoice always; pray without ceasing; in everything give thanks; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." So I may not be able to make him physically better, but I can pray without ceasing for him, because I serve a God that is the Great Physician and ultimate Healer that can do far more for the man I love then any physical doctor here oh earth might be able to do.

P.s. this guy of mine is changing me, to the point that I find myself listening to country music when I drive without him in the car....umm that's a huge thing....but Shh don't tell him I listen to it, because I kinda make fun of him for listening to it!